Tag: love

Using this Easter holiday to reflect and be grateful – plan your life using two great books


Using this Easter holiday to reflect and be grateful – plan your life using two great books 

Today’s post is about two books that will help you put your life in high gear. Use the Easter Holiday for some downtime and deep reflection.

The first book is by friend Alvin Brown. He is a personal trainer for top notch athletes who are determined to achieve excellence in whatever field they are in. 

Alvin wrote and released his first book “Journey to Personal Greatness: Mind, Body, & Soul: A Blueprint for Life Balance & Self-Mastery” (Discover more of the book here). It is based on his personal journey that took him and his family from Jamaica to Eastern Canada. His mom could make barely ends meet and he was living in the poorest conditions. Yet one decisive day he refused to live a mediocre life any more. He choose nothing but greatness and along the long way to success he managed to work himself up to where he is today: I consider him one of the most inspiring personal trainers and coaches I know.

I am glad that he took what he learned and placed it into a powerful book that invites you to also invite greatness into your life (that in itself is a sign of him being a great coach). Please make it a point to read his book – you will not regret it.

The second book is by friend May Lore. It is called Managing Thought. Stop letting people who do so little for you, control so much of your mind, feelings, and emotions. Easier said than done, right? The problem is actually not with the person you are having an issue with. It is your own thoughts that make your life miserable. 

Mary Lore @ManagingThought is a battle hardened thought leader on this subject. I am totally with her assertion that you are not your thoughts. A thought is only a thought and we can learn how to shape our thoughts so they work better for us.

The process is surprisingly simple. If you are older then you may remember the Viewmaster kids toy that featured all sorts of discs with neat pictures on them. You inserted them into the main red body of the device. Then you pulled a lever to advance to the next picture while viewing them through the lenses while holding the whole thing facing a bright light source. The significance lies in likening the discs to your thoughts. When a thought does not work for you, take that mental disc out and put another one in that works better. This mental re-framing works really well. It rests on the premise that you actively choose whether or not you allow someone to have control over your thoughts and how you feel about this.

NO ONE has power over you – power is granted. When someone is making you mad or sad realize that they are not doing that, but you are. Next time you feel getting angry etc make sure to take a deep breath and take that bad mental Viewmaster disc right out and substitute it with one that works better for you.

 

Ralf

Which person impacted and changed your life forever?


Which person impacted and changed your life forever? 

Photo credit: Pablo by Buffer

Think of a person that has changed or impacted your life the most. This person saw something in you that he or she believed in you more than you did. His/ her encouragement led to a much enriched life journey for you.

Does this person know what kind of impact their belief had in you? My call to action is to get in touch with this person immediately. Let her/ him know how you feel and appreciate what he/she did.

Next, follow this train of thought and create a ripple effect. Give of yourself. Help out a person who struggles through life. If you want to read up on what that could look like, Jeff Goins’ book “Wrecked” could help set the stage for you.

My person is my best friend Holger who helped me through some great difficulty when I was 17 and enduring the hardship of apprenticeship. My mom and dad did not have problems with alcohol – they had problems without alcohol. They were alcoholics. The home life was a royal mess, and we did not even have money to buy heating oil for about two winters.

Girl friend? Hah, did not have the guts and the heart much less the energy getting entangled with more issues. I was bullied extensively during the first year of my job apprenticeship. Whenever I could I would drink heavily. Shame galore – living in a small village in Germany was not a walk in the park when you are being put into the same category as your dad. Dad is an idiot = son must be an idiot also. That was a simple equation that came with some “interesting” ramifications. Life was miserable.

One particularly bad night I had come back from a party with co-workers, drunk and depressed. I bumped into Holger at a block party and he saw the heap of a mess that was me. He listened and helped me get my bearing again. Day by day and thought-by-thought. We became lifelong friends, but as of late we can no longer stay in contact all that much as we live in totally different places. Thanks for all you did my friend during the darkest time of my life! Life improved soon thereafter once I realized that I was still in control of my thoughts. Thoughts are just thoughts – they are not me! Once I stopped my own pity party life improved beyond measure.

Do you know someone who picked you up from the floor and put you back on your feet? How about a teacher or coach? This special person may not even remember you. It does not matter. Make sure you tell him that you love him and that you appreciate everything that he did for you. Do it fast, because life can change with an blink of an eye*.

Ralf

*Thanks, Tom!

How to deal with really angry and nasty people


How to deal with really angry and nasty people 

Photo credit: Pablo by Buffer

When people get under your skin because they really loathe you and what you do, the best you can do here is to close your eyes, take a deep breath, say a prayer, and whole heartedly forgive them. They hate this even more, and you feel better. Much better.

Traffic, work, neighbors, family, school, and so many other places are rich with angry people. Those can drain you of all your energy and anything you do and even think about, can soon consume your thoughts and feelings. You can do something about this though. “All” it takes is engaging your power of choice: choose love and inclusion instead of hatred. This will free your mind and heart and all but automatically remove the power other people have over you.

Do you feel even ever so slightly brave? One more way to kick things up a notch is to openly approach the people who hate you. Manage to remain friendly, but have the candor of asking them what you can do to make things better. More often than not their anger only resides in their heads because their brains had had a monologue instead of an actual dialog with you.

When that happens their thoughts can spiral out of control. Their negativity is a purely homemade issue and you are only a cheap pawn in this blame game. Since you were never invited to a dialog you do not even know what their grudge may be all about. You could not do anything worse than engaging in a battle of words with them. You can however, engage them in an open fact finding mission in which you are going to try finding out what happened leading up to them getting upset.

Hatred is tiresome and draining. Most of all it is not long term sustainable without causing other issues. This can change overnight if you are willing to make the greatest change of all: Changing yourself. Choose love and forgiveness and the world and people will open up to you. And if they don’t do that love them anyway and move on. No one has power over you unless you permit that. So do not let such negative people rain on your parade.

Ralf

Here is to you Class of 2017 – Please always chase a better self and live on purpose


Here is to you Class of 2017 – Please always chase a better self and live on purpose 

It is that time of the year: High school graduations are upon us. This one is really special to me because of two reasons. My daughter is one of the lucky high school students who will soon go out into the world and spreading her wings. The other special thing is a speech friend and coach Brett Blair (he is the author of “From Autopilot to Authentic: How the Philosophies of Dr. Tom Hill Can Help You Live Your Exceptional Life”) held for high school grads in Cary NC. He has allowed me to share his speech with you. There a many speeches held, but this one sticks out to me. The current generation may be making a mess of things right now, but you should really let Brett’s thoughts sink in about how you HS grads will now have the exciting chance helping make important changes for yourself and all of us. So I am asking you as well to please chase a better self and live on purpose – we live in a country that provides so many opportunities challenging to live to your full potential. Let your light shine and never relent. The best of luck to all of you. Here is to you, Katie. We gave you roots and also wings. It is time to spread them wide and take off like an eagle.

Ralf

 

 

Together is Beautiful – Continuing the Journey by Brett Blair

 

Hello graduating seniors. Congratulations! Congratulations to each and every one of you.

 

I, along with your parents, your teachers, the administration, the community, your friends and family, we all honor you.

 

We honor you, and you should be proud.

 

You have completed a significant milestone in your life, and one that will carry with you the rest of your life.

 

Your life.

 

It’s your life.

 

It’s no longer about your parents, your friends, or anyone else.

 

It’s your life that we’re talking about now, and it’s totally in your control.

 

As you venture forth into the world, after crossing that stage on Monday, June 12th, and finally picking up your diploma, you’ll be launched into a whole new journey.

 

For some of you, you’ll be going straight on to college.

 

Others will go to work, and start making some money.

 

Some of you will proudly serve our country in the military, others go to a trade school, community college, or maybe volunteer – here in the U.S. or abroad.

 

I’m guessing that you, the class of 2017, will probably scatter all over the country and maybe even the world.

 

After you graduate, a lot of things will be new and different for you.

 

Some things will be scary.

 

Some things will be fun.

 

One thing I’m sure most of you will experience is a new degree of freedom.

 

Many of you will be living away from home for the first time.

 

You’ll be going from the world of being a kid in your house to being an adult in the big, bad world.

 

You’ll have freedom. Freedom!

 

Freedom is a cool thing.

 

Our country’s fathers – you know their names – George Washington and crew, they fought hard for our freedom, and our military has fought found hard over the last 200 + years to keep it.

 

The Constitution and the Bill of Rights, these things spell out what our great freedoms are as Americans. We should never take these freedoms and these rights for granted, and never forget how blessed we are to live here in the U.S.

 

But there’s another kind of freedom. A freedom that is entirely up to you, and a freedom that you can lose if you don’t live your life in the right way.

 

It’s the freedom that comes from taking personal responsibility for your decisions, your choices, your actions, and overall the way in which you live your life.

 

Freedom! You have the freedom to choose a great career. I made a big mistake here. I originally chose a career based only on the money it would pay. I’ve since learned, and it took me a long time, like over 20 years, that it’s much better to choose a career that matches your passions and purpose and interests.

 

Freedom! You have the freedom to be healthy. Don’t take this for granted. This is almost totally in your control. It overwhelmingly comes from the foods you eat and the exercise you get. At your age, you might not think this is too important. I promise you, it will become very important as you get older. Most of the health problems we have in the US these days come from people with bad habits. People eating the wrong foods and people not getting the exercise they need. You have your full lives ahead of you. I dare you. I dare you to make a commitment to yourself to be super healthy, and then you’ll enjoy the excitement that can come from a life, a long life, based on great health.

 

Freedom! You have the freedom to stay out of debt. Develop good habits around money right now, stick to them, and be free of financial bondage later. If you get a credit card, pay it off every month. If you already have some credit card debt, pay it off as soon as you can. Don’t be like most Americans, with thousands of dollars of credit card debt that literally buries them. Learn about saving. Learn about the magic compounded interest, and learn about the value of long-term investing.

 

Freedom! You have the freedom to have great relationships. Great relationships with your family, with your friends, with your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife, with your employer and coworkers, with just about anybody. The keys to great relationships are being honest and transparent, being present when you’re with people (instead of glued to your iPhone), being a great listener, and just being one who really cares about other people. Caring about people regardless of what they look like, where they come from, how much money they have, how smart they are – just caring about people because they are another human being.

 

Freedom! You have the freedom of living in a great country, and on a beautiful planet. I know that my generation has not done you any favors here, and we’ve left this world in trouble in many ways. Pollution, climate change, poverty, hunger, racism and social unrest, low rates of political participation, intolerance, the list of challenges goes on and on. But, I am confident and optimistic. I’m optimistic because you young men and women are incredible. You are smart and passionate and caring and live your lives on purpose, and with a purpose. I have no doubt that our future, the future of our planet and the future of all people will be better, much better, because of the impact that you’re going to make.

 

Freedom! You have the freedom to choose how you think. You can choose to wake up each day and live in fear and regret. You can do that. Or, you can wake up each day with confidence and optimism and energy. You can wake up, each day, eager to go forth and make your mark as you live your life on purpose, and make a difference. It’s up to, totally up to you.

 

10 years ago, when I was 46 years old, I quit a job, a career, that I had held for over 20 years. For somebody else, it might have been a great career. It just wasn’t the right one for me.

 

I then started my own business. I also hired a coach, a life coach, and this guy taught me a whole new way to live my life. He taught me to dream about my future, and to write it down in great detail. He taught me to get crystal clear on my priorities, and to live my life in a way that balanced my priorities. He taught me to commit to growth, and to grow until the day I die. I’m living my life that way now, and you know what? It’s awesome. If I could go back to the day I graduated from high school, and start living my life that way, living my life on purpose, I can’t image how much different, how much better my life would have been.

 

You, the class of 2017. You can live your lives on purpose.

 

You can live your lives in the direction of your passions and purposes and your dreams.

 

You can live your lives with abundant health – with energy and strength to lean into each and every day.

 

You can live your lives with amazing relationships all around you – an amazing spouse, amazing kids, amazing relationships with your parents, friends, neighbors.

 

You can have a great career or own your own great business, and smartly manage your money in a way that you never get into financial bondage that comes from having too much debt.

 

Living your life this way – living your life on purpose, it’s not the way most people live. That’s OK. A lot of people aren’t living their lives with the goals and determination and vision that you have. A lot of people are confused, and a lot of people are after instant gratification. You know, the best things in life – they take time, they take focus, they take determination, and they take discipline to get.

 

Personal discipline.

 

Personal discipline is the key.

 

Personal discipline leads to personal freedom.

 

Don’t be influenced by other people. Chart your own course, and stick to it. Be independent.

 

As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, be independent of the good and bad opinions of other people.
Have your own moral compass, your own north star, and live your life in that direction.

 

Live your life when you are all alone just like you would if other people were watching.

 

And something else I’ve learned along the way in my life – it is so much better when we all work together, and when we all get along. I think your generation has this figured out so much better than we did when I was growing up. Regardless of skin color, regardless of economic status, regardless of religion or political party or nationality or worldview – we all have the common denominator of being people. We are all people, created equal in the eyes of God, with unlimited potential. And when we lock arms and work together as people, working toward a better future, our potential is even more unlimited.

 

You guys are amazing. I’ve seen your passion and humility and courage and curiosity and love for each other. I’ve seen your intelligence and adaptability and determination. I’ve seen your faith and persistence and creativity.

 

I’ve seen you, I see you now, and I see you in the future.

 

I see you in the future, boldly making your mark on the world, and as a result, making this world a better place.

 

I know a lot of people who are really worried about the future, and think that the future will be worse, not better, than things are right now.

 

I totally disagree.

 

I believe in a better world.

 

I know we’ll move to the use of renewable energy.

 

 

I think we’ll solve the challenges around climate change.

 

I think we’ll eliminate many of today’s diseases and other health problems.

 

I think we’ll find new solutions to hunger and poverty and racism and inequality.

 

I might be naïve, but I don’t think so.

 

I think all these positive, optimistic things about the future for one reason. And, that one reason is YOU! Each and every one of YOU!

 

Personal discipline is cool. It leads to personal freedom. Personal freedom to live your lives in great big, happy, making a difference ways.

 

Thanks so much for giving me so many reasons to be optimistic, thanks for being an amazing group of young people who phenomenally represent Cary High School, and thanks for being you.
God Bless You, and may you venture forth and live the lives of your dreams.

 

Thanks!