Tag: compassion

6 ways firing negative people from your life


6 ways firing negative people from your life 

There are a lot of negative people who take time and energy away from us. This can range from people who like to gossip, complain, to outright nasty people that complain way too much. Then there are the problem monitors who love pointing out flaws and problems without ever offering a solution. Problem is that they seek you out and you can seemingly not escape them. You endure the conversation, but it drags you down with it and getting back to what you wanted to do takes some time. Time that you do not have. Energy and nerves that you do not have to waste.

There are a few negativity busters that you can use to stay positive and on task.

  1. Being positive. Fire away with your winning smiles. Nothing works better at shushing negative people away like having a great attitude and showing it. Negativity begets negativity, but positivity beats it by a mile.
  2. Humor. A good laugh will send negative folks scurrying to their deep and dark caves. Not taking yourself and others so seriously helps staying positive and also works as nasty people antidote.
  3. Effectiveness. If any conversation is really important than this can be scheduled for another time when it is more convenient for both of you. Saying something like this can be highly effective: “Listen, this sounds like it is really important to you and I unfortunately have another meeting (phone call, etc) to go to. Should I schedule a meeting to discuss this further with you?” In most cases the other person will stop talking and not need to speak with you about this any further.
  4. Walk away. Yes, it is that simple. This has nothing to do with you being rude. Was the other person not rude first by raping your ears with things that do not add value, or worse, were offensive or outright nasty?
  5. Associate with and befriend nice people. Duh, you say? Seek out nice people who add energy, creativity, and fun to your life. Hang out with them as much as you can. You become the average of the 10 people you spend the most time with. The added benefit is that nasty people cannot stand this much fun and harmony and thus will stay far away from you.
  6. Candor. When folks stop by often and you never say a word to them about how this is not ok with you, well, that is YOUR own fault. At times other people can just not read your silent clues. Unvoiced expectations cannot be filled. In most instances all it takes is your candid feedback and the “stalking” can stop right after providing your sincerely meant thoughts on the matter.

Negativity is not sustainable as it has its origin in hatred, envy, and a lack of emotional intelligence (self-awareness). It tries to exclude people and thrive on people’s differences. The antidote is love, laughter, optimism, etc as it founded in inclusion. Isn’t it better leading a well-balanced life where you are part of something bigger, self-sustaining and thus something positive? Start with reflecting upon your own view and then make a difference as soon as you can. Stay happy my friends.

Ralf

2018 is the year that needs to bring people together – Here is one way how you can help


2018 is the year that needs to bring people together – Here is one way how you can help 

We have a lot going on and there are a lot of moments where we are more divided than unified on so many levels. People are on the edge and we get upset at each other seemingly faster than ever before. When people get under your skin because they really loathe you and what you do, the best you can do here is to close your eyes, say a prayer, and whole heartedly forgive them. They hate this even more, but you feel better.

Traffic, work, neighbors, family, school, and so many other places are rich with friends, and also really nasty people. This kind of nastiness can drain you of all your energy and anything you do and even think about, can soon be consume your thoughts and feelings. “All” it takes is engaging your power of choice: choose love and inclusion instead of hatred. This will free your spirit and all but automatically remove the power other people have over you.

Feel brave? One more way to kick things up a notch is to approach the people who hate you openly. Manage to remain friendly, but have the candor of asking them what you can do to make things better. More often than not their anger only resides in their heads because their brains had had a monologue instead of an actual dialog with you.

When that happens their thoughts can spiral out of control and the negativity – sometimes all of it – is a purely homemade issue and you are only a cheap pawn in this blame game. Worse yet, since you were never invited to a dialog you do not even know what their grudge may be all about. That is something you can do something about by opening up and approaching them.

Hatred is tiresome and draining. Most of all it is not long term sustainable without causing other issues. This can change overnight if you are willing to make the greatest change of all: Changing yourself. Choose love and forgiveness and the world and people will open up to you. Most of all, choose how you want to react rather than letting instincts take over your life. May 2018 help get us to stand united again.

Ralf

Merry Christmas!


Merry Christmas! 

I wish everybody a peaceful Christmas holiday. May it be filled with plenty of time spent with people who mean the most to you.

Ralf

3 strategies making it through the holidays dealing with family


3 strategies making it through the holidays dealing with family 

Photo credit: Ralf Weiser

Family: Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. Or can you? Holidays, birthdays, christenings, weddings, and other celebrations are one of the most stressful events. Why? Because this involves family and many a times we do not get along for a myriad of reasons.

I have two examples of that. The day of my bachelor’s party my closest relative managed to forget to rent the van that was supposed to take us to the event. In fact he also forgot to invite a lot of people. In the end the few people that were left did not need a van anymore and we just drove to the event in one car.

My wedding day was equally interesting. Coming from church and on the way to the reception the limo driver alerted my bride and I to the fact that the car behind us had suddenly stopped and was no longer following us. That was my dad-in-law who stopped there at the side of the road. Being a good fire cop, he had stopped at a site of a minor fender bender to direct traffic – in his tux. Parked right behind him was his 80 plus year old uncle in his tug boat size Caddy who did not know the way to the reception. We could not go on either and were stuck in our limo until the little accident scene had cleared up.

In hind sight, both events are actually rather funny. I did not think so at the time of the events. My wife was ready to shoot our close relatives to the moon. And that is also what I am writing about today: You may choose to not speak with them, or divorce them, but they will always be family. But how do you deal with the stress that we cause each other?

Part of the reason why the stress exists is because of the perceived or real expectations and assumptions. The other main component is candor, or the lack thereof, that is needed to keep any relationship genuinely and sincerely real. Often we do not say anything because we do not want to offend or burn future bridges.

There are three ways how you can choose to deal with this delicate situation:

  • Talk about it. Yes, that is correct. Open dialog, when done correctly, can easily prevent major long term damage to family relationships. Key is to have taken a deep breath and not do this while you are emotional. Also, doing this in a timely fashion is key to not letting things fester too long. Key to this is not to speak when you are angry. Give yourself some time to just think of the facts rather than allowing your feelings getting in your way.
  • Write about it. It is not necessarily my cup of tea, but writing a letter or e-mail (text?) can also help you get to resolving family issues. The advantage is that when you write about your challenge you typically reach a deeper understanding yourself.

Thinking it through and finding a way to convey your key points and perhaps a request takes a bit of prep work. That is also the disadvantage. The written word, no matter how well you think you captured it, is still the most misunderstood and misinterpreting thing on the planet.

  • Ignore it. Last but not least, you have the choice to blissfully ignore any of it. I know of people that are so good at mentally sweeping this old baggage under the rug that they cannot see the white elephant in the room even on the best of days. Do not sweat the small stuff, and it’s all small stuff. Even I can get that. There are times when this strategy does work. It is the small things that often get put under said rug. Problems arise when even a Dyson vacuum can no longer pick up the mess that got left behind there. What I mean is that eventually the smaller issues will accumulate and turn into a big enough issue that can no longer go on ignored. Now the situation may end up worse because the problem is too complex to unwind even with the best of intentions and open dialog.

Do not forget that family members are going to be there for you even when everyone else has abandoned you. Family ties run deep. Sometimes, you cannot ignore the issues that have piled up and you will need to choose between the three above mentioned strategies. Choose wisely, because your mental health relies on how you handle family challenges. Family is all you have got when bad goes to worth. Make every effort saving these relationships.

Ralf